Episode 490 – The 9th Annual Fake News Awards

And now, from the PEOC deep under the demolished East Wing of the White House, it’s THE 9TH ANNUAL FAKE NEWS AWARDS!!! Featuring the fakest stories, the fakest journalists and the fakest factoids from the year that was in this socially constructed pseudoreality we call “the news.” The Fake News Awards is the only awards show that dares to ask the question: what are these lying dipsh!@s trying to sell us on now and why do they expect us to swallow it?!

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TRANSCRIPT

VOICEOVER: And now…

From the PEOC deep under the demolished East Wing of the White House, it’s…

THE 9TH ANNUAL FAKE NEWS AWARDS!!!

Featuring the fakest stories, the fakest journalists and the fakest factoids from the year that was in this socially constructed pseudoreality we call “the news.” The Fake News Awards is the only awards show that dares to ask the question: what are these lying dipsh!@s trying to sell us on now and why do they expect us to swallow it?!

To what depths of digital depravity did the lying liars of the fake news media sink in the past twelve months?

Which mockingbird repeaters, politicians, academics and other establishment toadies twisted themselves into the biggest pretzel knots to curry favour with their financial overlords in 2025?

And, most important of all, who will walk away with the Dino for the Fakest Story of the Year?

Find out in this year’s exciting edition of The Fake News Awards!…

Brought to you by our corporate sponsors:

Johnny YouTuber’s Self-Censorship Bootcamp — You wanna be a YouTube star? Then you better learn how to talk like a retard!

Uncle Vlad’s Яussian Яobots — You wanna buy a robot?

and

Trump Travel — To Trump Gaza and beyond!

And now, here’s the host of tonight’s flaming dungheap, BENT KROCKMAN!

*KROCKMAN walks on stage*

BENT KROCKMAN: Ladies! Gentlemen! Shape-shifting lizards from the planet Archon! Welcome one and all to this year’s festivities.

As you know by now, this is the Fake News Awards, where yours truly, Kent Brockman, bestows the Dinos of Dishonour on the biggest liars of the lying lamestream media over the past year.

I see the guests are making their way to the venue as we speak. Let’s cut to the live cameras.

Yes, there’s previous fake news award-winner President Donald Trump sauntering toward the hall with his usual manly gait…

And British Prime Minister Keir Starmer is right behind him…almost…

And there’s RFK Jr. shakily attempting to mount a small rock in some weird display of his superior virility…

And Putin…well, I’m sure he’ll be here once he sleeps off that vodka bender.

But you didn’t come here for that. You came here for these: the Dinos!

You know how it works by now: We have five prizes to give away in five exciting categories, each one dishonouring a fake news story from 2025.

And don’t forget to follow along at home with your specially-produced Dinos colouring book, available on your favourite fake newsstand for a mere $999!

Now, tonight’s first Dino is the prize for…

FAKEST WAR STORY OF THE YEAR

And the runners-up are:

NBC, CNN and the other mainstream repeaters who fingered the fiendish Russians (or is it the cunning Chinese?) for dragging anchor and cutting undersea cables! Quick, launch a new NATO Baltic Sea mission!…oh wait, it was just some maritime accidents that could be used to whip up more war hysteria again the West’s enemies. Never mind!

The Telegraph for publishing a story under the headline “China invades Taiwan: Japan steps in” that very plausibly could have started World War III! As it turns out, the story “was actually a hypothetical piece speculating on what Japan might do if China invaded Taiwan.” Ooops!

And The Israel Defense Forces for “The Ceasefire Agreement Came Into Effect at 12:00,” a tweet supposedly announcing a ceasefire agreement in Gaza but actually just marking the next stage in Israel’s complete (and completely illegal) annexation of Gaza, with 410 more dead Gazan bodies piling up since the increasingly inaccurately named “ceasefire” came into effect!

And the loser is:

Marco Rubio for “Terrorist Designations of Cartel de los Soles,” a State Department press release in which the rabid neocon warmonger who is the US Secretary of State officially labels Venezuela’s “Cartel of the Suns” a “Foreign Terrorist Organization” in order to justify Uncle Sam’s 2026 invasion of that country and abduction of its leader!

Of course, the evidence for the very existence of this supposed drug cartel is flimsy at best, and the organization—to the extent that it ever existed—goes back to a CIA-aided drug smuggling scheme in the 1990s, a fact even the dedicated dissimulators at 60 Minutes were forced to concede at the time!

But who’s going to let a little truth stand in the way of a good regime change operation? Certainly not Chevron!—er, I mean, FIFA Peace Prize President Trump and his faithful neocon toady, Marco Rubio!

And now the American people are going to have to deal with the “You Break It, You Buy It” consequences of destabilizing a nation of 30 million people on its own doorstep…but that’s fodder for the 10th Annual Fake News Awards!

So, for breaking the trust of the gullible voting rubes once again and launching yet another illegal foreign war of aggression on fictitious pretenses, this prize goes to you, Rubio! Congratulations! May you burn in hell!

Well, that’s an exciting way to start tonight’s festivities, isn’t it? Do you want to get straight to the next prize?

Well, too bad. Here’s a word from our corporate sponsor!

COMMERCIAL: JOHNNY YOUTUBER BOOT CAMP

KROCKMAN: Fantastic! I think I lost a few million brain cells just watching that commercial! Johnny YouTuber never fails to deliver!

Moving right along, let’s dish out our next Dino of denunciation, the award for…

FAKEST SCIENCE OF THE YEAR!

And the runners-up are:

Francesca Gino, the Harvard behavioural scientist who was stripped of her tenure after it was discovered that—you can’t make this up—she fabricated data in four separate studies on dishonesty.

The demographers who came up with the “blue zone” hypothesis that people in certain areas live exceptionally long lives because of their region’s diet and lifestyle…but whose theory was utterly debunked last year when it was found that the real reason there are more centenarians reported to be living in these low-income, low-literacy, high-crime, short-lifespan areas was because of dodgy data owing to “clerical errors and pension fraud.”

And The UK Covid Inquiry, which concluded that “[t]he failure [of the UK government] to lock down [their tax cattle] earlier may have cost lives,” whereas, in reality, as NIH Director Jay Bhattacharya observes: “not locking down at all (like Sweden) would have saved lives in the UK.”

And the loser is:

The “Make America Healthy Again” Commission for their “MAHA Report,” which, it turns out, included not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six but SEVEN completely fake citations!

That’s right, not only did the MAHA Commission have to resort to making up non-existent, fake scientific reports to convince the public that it should become healthy again, they almost certainly used ChatGPT to do it! The seven fake citations were most likely hallucinations generated by the AI chatbot that was tasked with actually writing the document—and that’s not to mention the numerous other broken links to and flawed summarizations of other research!

But don’t sweat it, guys, White House Spokeswoman and Fount of Truth Karoline Leavitt claimed the citations of non-existent studies were just “formatting errors.”

And this is why—in a year when AI slop provided us with fodder for many fake news stories and fake commercials and other assorted techno-fakery from the 7th circle of hell—this particular piece of AI slop science takes the cake…or should that be the Dino. Congrats, losers!

And speaking of AI and Fake News, it’s time to dish out our next mark of shame, the Dino for…

FAKEST AI-GENERATED NEWS

And the runners-up are:

Pakistani newspaper Dawn, whose editors forgot to take the “If you want, I can create an even snappier ‘front-page style’ version” prompt out of their article on the Pakistani auto industry.

The Chicago Sun-Times for publishing a summer reading list full of fake books, including books that don’t exist by authors who do exist!

Alright, now we’re on a roll!

So, let’s immediately bring that roll to a crashing halt with another word from our corporate sponsors!

COMMERCIAL 2: TRUMP TRAVEL

KROCKMAN: Wow! That is a trustworthy and reliable human being if ever I saw one!

Alright folks, moving right along, it’s time to dishonour the next unlucky Dino recipient at tonight’s fake news festivities!

It’s time to award the prize for…

FAKEST JOURNALIST OF THE YEAR

And the runners-up are:

Rachel Maddow for lamenting another Trump travesty in her report on how “Musk has convinced the [Trump] government to spend $400 million on armored Teslas. Definitely not corrupt and ripping us all off?” Except, that was all done under Biden!

Jake “It wasn’t really until after the election that we finally acknowledged what everyone else had been seeing for 4 years and decided to profit off our complete lack of journalistic integrity” Tapper for being, well, Jake “It wasn’t really until after the election that we finally acknowledged what everyone else had been seeing for 4 years and decided to profit off our complete lack of journalistic integrity” Tapper.

And the veritable online army of flag-waving, MAGA-loving patriots who were accidentally exposed as foreign psyops agents and cyber warriors when Twitter briefly included (and then immediately removed) an “account location” feature.

And the loser is:

USAID for funding over 6,200 journalists across 707 media outlets and 279 media NGOs, including nine out of ten media outlets in Ukraine!

That’s right, in their report lamenting the gutting of USAID by DOGE early last year, Reporters Without Borders accidentally let the cat out of the bag by admitting: “According to a USAID fact sheet which has since been taken offline, in 2023, the agency funded training and support for 6,200 journalists, assisted 707 non-state news outlets, and supported 279 media-sector civil society organizations dedicated to strengthening independent media. The 2025 foreign aid budget included $268,376,000 allocated by Congress to support ‘independent media and the free flow of information.’”

What? Those poor “independent media” outlets that were being funded to spread CIA-sanctioned fake news in countries on the State Department hit list are now going to have to somehow make do without Uncle Sam making it rain to the tune of a QUARTER OF A BILLION DOLLARS!! Oh, the humanity.

Curiously left out of Reporters Without Borders’ account, however, is USAID’s real history as a funding vehicle for State Department-sponsored and CIA-run regime change operations in foreign countries, including its role in creating fake social media networks to foment unrest in Cuba or sending fake doctors running a fake HIV-prevention clinic to foment unrest in Cuba or propping up a fake hip-hop scene with US taxpayer dollars in order to foment unrest in Cuba…not to mention its role in torturing political opposition in Latin America, co-funding an opium-smuggling airline in Laos and co-sponsoring the opposition groups that participated in the coup in Ukraine in 2014.

No, for that kind of detail, you’ll have to go to the actual independent media. You know, the kind that isn’t receiving hundreds of millions of dollars from the US government to do its fake-news-reporting dirty work.

So, here you go, Reporters Without Borders and your USAID fellow travellers. Here’s your Dino of shame, and here’s hoping we see you in the unemployment line in 2026 once your paymasters figure out they can replace you and your fellow lying fake news journalists with AI chatbots!

And now, it’s time for the most important part of tonight’s festivities, the part you’ve been waiting for ALL YEAR LONG, the climax of our orgy of fakery!….

…Another word from our corporate sponsors!

COMMERCIAL 3: UNCLE VLAD’S ЯUSSIAN ЯOBOTS

KROCKMAN: I don’t know what that was, but that guy left his vodka bottle here, and I’m four sheets to the wind, so I couldn’t care less!

Alright, where were we?

Oh, that’s right. The big one. OK, one more for courage…or something…

*Bent takes another nip of vodka*

Alright, here we go!

And this year’s award for

FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR 

goes to…

*Bent holds up envelope*

Oh, no. No no no no no no. I know what’s going on here. EVERY year I go to open this envelope and the winner isn’t in here. I put on this big show of unwrapping this stupid thing and there’s nothing inside and *I* end up looking like an idiot and y’all have a good laugh at my expense and say “look behind the Dino, stupid” or something like that. Well, I’M NOT FALLING FOR THAT THIS YEAR. I’m not some Charlie Brown schmuck running to kick the football again and again and again while that bitch Lucy pulls that damn thing away again and again, EVERY DAMN TIME, I swear if I get my hands on WHOEVER is doing this…

*Producer squawking in ear*

What? What’s that. It’s in the envelope?

For real? Like, it’s really in there this year?

Oh, I see. Well, then.

Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen. Alright, let’s see who the biggest liar of the year is. And the award for FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR goes to…

*Bent draws crayon our of envelope*

What…? on…? earth…?

Ah, I see.

*Opens colouring book to Trump dinosaur colouring picture*

And the FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR goes to…

DONALD TRUMP for “Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years!”

DONALD TRUMP: Could I just interrupt a second? Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years. You’re asking…we have Texas, we have this, we have all of the things. And are people still talking about this guy, this creep? That is unbelievable.

 

SOURCE: Trump on Epstein: ‘Are people still talking about this creep?’

KROCKMAN: Incredible! Just incredible!

Remember when ABC News won the 3rd annual fake news story of the year for “It was unbelievable what we had. We had Clinton, we had everything“?

Well, the proud tradition continues!!!

Yes, in a remarkable turn of events, US President Donald J. Trump has become the first ever TWO-TIME winner of the Fake News Story of the Year dishonour. After having previously won for his lies about the Douma chemical weapons hoax, he’s now the winner for perpetrating a hoax of his own: the “Epstein was a hoax” hoax! And he actually thinks his supporters are dumb enough to fall for it!!!

If only he were here to accept the award in person.

*Voice squawks in ear*

Wait! I’m getting word that Trump has been informed of his Dino and has organized a hasty press conference to accept the award!

Let’s cut to our live feed courtesy of Mike from Day Job Orchestra.

TOTALLY NOT FAKE TRUMP FAKE NEWS AWARD ACCEPTANCE SPEECH COURTESY OF DAY JOB ORCHESTRA

KROCKMAN: Amazing! Incredible! Definitely not fake!

If you want to see more incredibly not fake and not lip-dubbed footage like that, be sure to check out Day Job Orchestra on BitChute or Odysee!

…So, yes, folks, after lying to the gullible MAGA-believing rubes about the Iran strikes, stabbing them in the back with the Trump Gaza/”Board of Peace” debacle, poking them in the eye with the Project Stargate fiasco, kicking them while they’re down with the Ukraine “peace plan” disaster, and rubbing salt in their wounds with the Venezuelan drug cartel lie, Trump might have actually woken up his bootlicker base with the final kick to the groin: the “Epstein hoax” hoax.

You see, apparently it’s the “Radical Left Democrats” who came up with this “new SCAM,” which Trump tried to tell his supporters “we will forever call the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax.” Then, he went on to berate anyone who still actually cares about the elite child sex trafficker and his friends in business, finance, entertainment and politics, calling them “PAST supporters” who “have bought into this “bullshit,” hook, line, and sinker.”

Sure, Don, whatever you say! We’re definitely falling for the “NOTHING TO SEE HERE, FOLKS” Naked Gun meme routine and we’re definitely not interested in peering behind that curtain you’ve put up around you because it’s all a Democrat hoax!

Just imagine how excited Trump must have been when he saw the newly released photos showing famed magician David Blaine entertaining Epstein and his distinguished guests…

…but then think how crestfallen he must’ve been when he realized that even David Blaine couldn’t make the Epstein files disappear.

Although, to be fair, the Orange one didn’t win this award all by himself. No, he surrounded himself with the very best team of sycophants and cover-up buffoons who are willing to lie to the public about Epstein in a vain attempt to send one of the most prolific political pedophilia blackmail rings in history down the collective memory hole.

SENATOR DICK DURBIN: In February you made a public claim that the Epstein Client List was “sitting on my desk right now for review.” You then produce already public information and no client list at a major media event hosted at the White House. Attorney General Bondi, why did you publicly claim to have the Epstein client list waiting for you and then produce nothing relevant to that claim?

 

ATTORNEY GENERAL PAMELA BONDI: Senator Durbin, if you listen to my entire clip on that, I said I had not reviewed it yet, that it was sitting on my desk—along with the JFK files, the Martin Luther King files—and I said I had not yet reviewed it. And if you’ve seen our memo on Epstein, you will see our memo on Epstein clearly points out that there was no client list.

 

SOURCE: WATCH: Bondi and Durbin back-and-forth over alleged Epstein client list | LiveNOW from FOX

MARIA BARTIROMO: You said Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide. [Laughter.] People don’t believe it.

 

FBI DIRECTOR KASH PATEL: Well, I mean, listen. They have a right to their opinion. But as someone who has worked as a public defender, as a prosecutor who’s been in that prison system, who’s been in the Metropolitan Detention Center, who’s being in segregated housing, you to know a suicide when you see one, and that’s what that was.

 

FBI DEPUTY DIRECTOR DAN BONGINO: He killed himself. Again, you want me to—? I’ve seen the whole file.

 

SOURCE: ‘WAVE OF TRANSPARENCY’: FBI director hints at agency’s move to rebuild Americans’ trust

REPORTER: The DOJ and FBI later said there was no incriminating client list, no credible evidence Epstein blackmailed anyone, and the report confirmed he died by suicide in 2019.

 

SOURCE: Trump says ‘weaklings’ fell for Epstein ‘hoax’

KROCKMAN: Yes, truly the “Epstein was a hoax!” hoax has been a team effort in gaslighting.

Thankfully, the public hasn’t been dumbed down by the statist indoctrination system to swallow that bucket of stale horse piss yet. The laughably misnamed “justice system” may be bought-and-paid-for by these same well-connected kiddy diddlers that Trump is protecting, but in the court of public opinion, we know the TRUTH. Epstein was an intel op who caught many of the rich and powerful in his net, and we will not rest until each and every one of these disgusting perverts is held accountable for their actions. No matter what office they’re in and no matter what title they have.

…And that’s the FAKE NEWS AWARDS, everyone! We sure hope you join us again next year for…

…Wait. What am I doing?

Why am I doing this?

Why are you watching this?

What does any of this mean?

That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m out of here. I QUIT!!!

NO. NO, really that’s it! You can take this job and shove it up your…

PRODUCER BROC: …Uhhh, what’s going on?

*Voice squawks in ear*

Hello?…He’s gone?…He’s really gone?

He really left! Krockman left!

I told Mike: “Keep him away from the booze. Just one drop of that sweet, sweet sauce and he’d be off the rails again.” For nine years I’ve kept him on the wagon and now it’s all gone to s:!@t!

What are we meant to do now? Cut the feed…. I SAID, “CUT THE FEE—”

*Television glitches*

*Who’s The B.O.S.S.? theme song starts playing*